Saturday, April 29, 2017

The end of a chapter

I suppose no matter how happy the beginning of a tragedy is, it is still a tragedy.  In my case, I needed help from a friend yesterday and he didn't come through for me. I never got a reply is what I'm saying.

I guess he was busy or he doesn't give a damn anymore. It's a hard reality to face but if it's one to help me get better, than it's one worth facing. Why is all of today's music so bloody depressing anyway? It's oddly a Sunday. I say oddly because I'm never usually up this early or awake on a Sunday but here I am, writing in my blog.

I suppose the plan of action is to not talk to him until he sorts himself out or better yet, just not talk at all. I wonder what's going on for him. I wish I could help. Ah well. I can't dwell on that too long or it's just going to stress me out. I got my cat cat litter and a new cat bowl because she needed it. Dad may scream at me but so be it. I'm just waiting for the cafe to open before I get back to my oh so depressing and lame assignment. I can't wait to get out of school. I'm so sick of trying to read between the lines. Then again, we do it everyday if you think about it.

Ah well. It wouldn't hurt if I made a start on it now.

Deja vu

Even the strong fall down from time to time. I could say it's the worst feeling in the world.

A few years ago when I was 16, I had a bad day at school. It's been 4 years since I've had a day as bad as that but in a way, it makes me feel a little better. It shows how far I've come. I'm not going to talk about yesterday. It was mostly horrible but it's over. I'd rather talk about something I wrote 4 years ago.

Let's just say I was asked to do some after school activity that I didn't want to do. I was stressed, exhausted, and had failed a physics test that day. To give you some context, I was the kid in school who usually got As except in math, but never failed a test. It sounds stupid now because it was  just a test but that day, I was struggling to keep it together. Having to do this extra activity that I made clear to the heads that I had no desire to do was not what I wanted to deal with. I tried to get out of it because I knew I was not in a good head space. For the next 3 hours, I tolerated rude kids and I lost it. As soon as it was over, I broke into tears. I'd never felt so angry in my life but I was then. I proceeded to just ignoring everyone for the rest of the day except for the one friend who protected me. He tried to be on my side and I trusted him enough to tell him what was going on. In my own special way. The good thing about him was he knew when I was mad, I never talked. I just wrote. So I wrote and he read what I had to say. He never judged me. He was a true friend.

Whatever happened yesterday is insignificant. The good part was seeing one of my best friends and getting a parcel from who I'd address as my adopted parents who I do love in my own way. They loan me a book that I've read part of. I'll read more after I write this. I've known them for a short while but they help me keep sane sometimes. I like them because their genuine and good.  They may be different from everyone I know, different being they had a different upbringing then me, but that's why I enjoy talking to them. It's fresh, I learn something, they actually seem interested in my life. It's nice. My mom's amazing too though. She always checks on me and makes sure I'm ok.

Moving sucks but moving countries is worse. You start from ground 0. No friends and if you have social anxiety like me, you have another problem. Yet despite this personality trait, I'm slowly coming out of my shell and learning to trust people. I've recently reached a few set backs this year but I try. What can I say, I'm annoying like that.

I'm slowly getting over the fact that I'm single. Truly it's not all bad. I love that I can come home to someone but I guess being single means I get the whole bed to myself and I don't have to share the chicken wings. Plus I figure if the time isn't now, then it's later. God that sounds so stupid. My point is someone better may come along. Hell maybe someone who'll blow me away. Hell hopes I'll blow them away but then I would have to build a giant fan and I'm tiny so I wouldn't even be able to carry it. So I'll just need to find an industrial sized one.

What am I even going on about? Ok let me tell you all my personal details. I come from this place called Hogwarts and am in Ravenclaw. Ok now you know my address.

K. Bye.