Saturday, June 3, 2017

A new beginning

Acceptance is the hardest stage to get to in the stages of grief. Alot of times I think I've reached it and I can resume living my life but I think it's just my way of coping. I haven't really reached the stage. I'm half way there. 

I decided to do something today that I should have done earlier. I'm phasing him out of my life. I'm not going to lie. There is a little sadness in my life. I'm sad that that part of my life had to turn into this. Yet I remember what a good friend asked me. Would one action change anything. I've answered this question. It really won't for the scars are still visible. I feel like I've been trying to sow the pieces of my heart back together. While the seams have been ripped apart, this step I'm taking is me trying to sow it back again, you know, just with stronger thread. Haha. Despite the lack of success I'm having trying to accept this, I've accepted that he's a different person. He's not the boy I fell in love with and in some way. that boy isn't there anymore. The boy who I once could tell all my secrets too and would always turn to for a cuddle is  not there anymore. And yet, even if this makes me sad, it's life and I have to accept it. The person he has become, I realize, is someone I don't want to be friends with. A good friend said to me, "give what you get." He doesn't try anyway so I shouldn't. Instead, I should enjoy the rest of my degree, the company of my friends, and my family in summer. The truth is I do have more dreams than my own house but I'm too afraid to place hopes on them. And yet in some weird twist of fate, I've found some form of hope. Something that makes me happy and excited again, excited to live life and explore. Maybe this is my new beginning. 

No comments:

Post a Comment