Friday, May 5, 2017


Healing. A long process that needs to happen. It's like a really crazy sickness. When it first hits, you're whole body's soaked in agony. In short, it's a bitch. The longer you have the sickness though, it gets better. You learn how to manage the pain and the pain slowly reduces. So I guess it gets better.

After 2 months, I find that I'm starting to find more happiness (or occasionally more sadness) from other things. Today I've accepted that it's ok to not want someone, just for now until I feel I'm ready. It's fine because I have a whole life ahead of me. I've got my career and I don't intend to have kids. I do missing the small stuff. Having someone to look forward to hearing from or to cuddle with but I think it's good to learn how to be able to live without those things again. Maybe I'll consider finding someone again but right now, I could care less. Sure it's nice to look but the most I''ll do is say hi, and the furthest it may go is just me being friends.

A friend of mine made a good point. Society fails us and if I think about it, I've done some of these things. I guess we always have a prejudice about someone without getting to know them. For awhile, I did try to get to know people but that got me into trouble. By that I met a guy who was odd and manipulative. So I kept my guard up again. Still, I do try to get to know people before making a judgement about them. Sometimes I unconsciously do but I feel we should treat everyone nicely, or try to if they're being rude. If they're still rude, just walk away. Anyway, I can sense people think I'm weird and I'm only saying this because it's been what I've been told my whole life. Still, it could be my prejudice. In a way, I've embraced it. I say it makes me who I am. Sometimes, on the really bad days, I'm sad because I figure people stay away from me because of that. I'm just really quiet because I don't like to bother people and sometimes, I never know what to say or where to look. I will admit, I am getting better at talking to people compared to when I was 16. I'm approaching my 20s so I guess I can say I have grown. Who knows.

Nighty night.

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