On one hand, I shouldn't be too hard on myself. It's been 2 months since my ex-boyfriend broke up with me. To say my world crashed that day is an understatement. I felt like I died. The next day just felt like a horrible nightmare. I felt like a zombie just trying to blend into the world.
Everyone says go out after you get dumped. All I want to do is just stick with my friends and never fall in love again. You see, the harsh side of love is that sometimes when you open yourself up to someone, you become vulnerable. When they leave you out of the blue, you break. I guess I'm lucky to be in school and have good friends if not, I'd be worse off.
Ever since I was a little girl, I dream't about meeting a guy who was funny, loving, and caring. He was but he said I wasn't the right girl for him plus he moved far away so I guess I should have saw it coming. That didn't really hurt because it made sense. What did hurt was how fast he got over me. I was and still am angry because he had time to detox and I didn't. After you give your heart to someone, you get dumped and they don't even give a second glance. To say it feels like I've been stabbed is not an adequate description. I think the more appropriate way of describing how I feel is that I only want friends and a career. I never want to be with anyone again or open myself that much and feel like that again. Not now anyway.
I can't put all my thoughts onto paper because they're too many. Everyday I play detective, trying to figure out what some of them mean. Some days I do find out what they mean. I hate the road to recovery but I'm slowly getting better. I've managed to slowly detach myself from caring and I've forgotten all our memories. That meaning I don't bother to think of them. I didn't get proper closure which was unfair but now isn't the time for that. The truth is I hate no one, I just feel abandoned.
Whatever. It's happened before and I've made it through. I'll be fine.